Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
