I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
