New invention idea: vibrating tampons
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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