Having a random hookup so left but love u
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
