It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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