Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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