I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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