He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
