I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
