I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
