I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sober January is a disaster.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
