I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
