I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
