My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
