I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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