Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
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I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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