I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
