I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
