i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
