if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
