I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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