Jerry, you need to find god
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
