I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My vagina just recognized that song.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
