Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
