Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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