No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
