I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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