I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Four minutes until I can fart!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
