hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
