I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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