I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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