I just made out with a guy for $7.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
