Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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