Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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