I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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