actually, I'm a sock model
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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