i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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