just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
