And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
its liver damage thursday
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
