god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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