btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
