take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
