What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am one with the molecules
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
