Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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