Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
