oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
