remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
