His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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