D3 body, D1 cock
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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