The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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