just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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