had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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