Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
