he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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