I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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