everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
