Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
