hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
