i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I showed him my bush... on skype.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
