So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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