She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.