My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again