What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.