why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms