it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
