I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
