Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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