living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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