Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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