I hate your face
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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