Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
