i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
