she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
zippers are such a cool invention
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
