i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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