I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
