i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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