I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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